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Despite her own understanding of her emotional maturity, a young woman will always be aware that she is with an older man, and that allows her the benefit of a of maturity, but one that exists only in the context of her relationship.It can be argued that men don’t know the effect they have on being with a younger woman.While adults should be free to be in a relationship with whomever they choose, including younger or older partners, I argue that teenage girls should never date older men.However, the hardest people to convince would be the girls themselves. But I was also most unlike what we assume that girl to be.If you want to make the relationship work, you have to be understanding of his time.Don’t whine if he can’t stay up chatting with you until 4am every night.In Lynn Phillips’ 1999 Planned Parenthood study Recasting Consent: Agency and Victimization in Adult-Teen Relationships, she highlights the admissions by women in their 30s who came to regret the choices they made as teens.Women who once defended their choices as responsible and as a mark of their own superior maturity cited regret, depression, and a sense of manipulation that was not clear to them at the time.
I was a good kid who made poor choices—at the time they were exciting and forward-thinking choices.I will be the kind of parent that I would have rebelled against.This may be the one thing we should not let teenage girls learn the hard way.When I moved away from home with my boyfriend, I went to college, fell into a deep depression, made no friends, and was homesick for my family.While I did well in school—pursuing a women’s studies degree—I was completely unaware that, even while steeped in feminist theory, the choices I made were his alone.
At the time I would have been furious had they tried to stop me. What they couldn’t have known was that for as mature and adventurous as I thought I was, no amount of growth or maturity can escape the eclipsing influence of an older man.