Parent dating after death
Even more than the symbolism of the thing, it was just an awful bed: thin, hard mattress, and so narrow; horrible metal rails on both sides. It’s not like I want him to sit home and mourn Mom for the rest of his days.
And of course their good sheets didn’t fit on it, so we had to use some old half-polyester ones dredged up from the back of the linen closet. Or even a minute longer than he “needs” to (however one figures such a thing). My auntie and my sister-in-law and I took the things we wanted, and could use; the rest…can go away. And we’ve kept plenty of mementos to tangibly remember her with.
He began facing the fact of losing her long before any of the rest of us.
The feelings you’re having toward your mother in the aftermath of your dad’s death are understandable.
It may be helpful for you to keep in mind that you and your mother are grieving very different losses, and the relationships you had with the person who died are very different too.
Your mother has lost her spouse, while you have lost a parent. Particularly in the social arena, we are not usually accustomed to seeing our mothers as women.
When my now-husband and I were dating, and things became serious enough for me to introduce him to my parents, he remained a bit confused for a while about which parent was “real” and which was “step”. My mom’s how-to-make-a-holiday-meal instructions to me literally say “Hand the prepped turkey to your man…three hours later, your man hands back the cooked turkey and then you…”I always used to joke that, when their time came, they had better go together (maybe on one of their fabulous trips), because there was no way either of them were going to survive without the other one. When Mom got her cancer diagnosis, it was scary, but there was reason for hope.
My stepdad, however, just had a that things weren’t going to go well.
I don’t know anyone who would have been comfortable sleeping there. We all mourned, of course, but his was the primary loss: fresh and immediate. He’s young, he’s a great guy, he has decades of experience being an excellent husband; and, perhaps most important, he’s lonely. And yet…every piece of this process feels like another step toward us all putting Mom…in the past. Why does getting rid of feel like another little death? I’m terrified of what happens when her husband, her most cherished possession, belongs to someone else.